SO this will be short and bittersweet. I found out one of my closest friends from childhood died today. His name was Paul Sparks and he was the first person I ever told I was gay out loud. I remember it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. He was stationed out in Watertown at the time and I was a senior in high school but even though he was a few years older than me, he loved me. He listened to me all night and just drove me around so I could talk. We have been friends since 1995 and now he is gone. I will never hear his voice again, or listen to his stories about Willie and Sadawn and his grandma.. I remember the story he told me about how when his mother died a bird started hanging around the house. a white bird and he would feed it and he always felt like it was his mother's spirit coming to comfort him. I wish him only comfort now. I know he can hear me wherever he is and I want you to know that I love you Paulie. I have always loved you and I will always love you. You were my friend and I know you knew that, but in case I didn't say it enough when you were alive, I love you. I pray you can feel that where you are.
Keep Flying Paulie... I'll see you when I get home...
Soooo many things have changed since I was last blogging on xanga. So here's the deal. I got my first real corporate job in Finance working for an International Claims Company in Perimeter. Most awesome job ever! I love it and it will lead to many more opportunities once I graduate. Oh yeah, I am currently working on my bachelors in Finance at Georgia State. I have maintained my 3.85 average at Georgia Perimeter and am aiming for a 4.0 for GA State. So I am working 30 hours a week at my Finance internship, 40 hours a week at Command Center and going to school full time, 12 hours. It is tough but so rewarding to be working towards something and doing so well. I literally do not sleep on mondays. Once I wake up and go to work I don't get back home till Tuesday morning, when I slip into a coma for at least six hours and get up to go back to work again.. Crazy but worth it. Me and Justin are still together and things are good. He just got a job as a marketing coordinator at a big hospital here. So between my two jobs and his, we are pulling in aroun 90,000 a year and we pay no rent because we property manage for the owners of our condo. It has been seriously awesome. My life could not be better. The only thing still holding me back is my weight.
I am still struggling with losing weight and feel like I have made such strides over the last two years, from nothing to everything I want, through hard work and perseverance I couldn't understand why I wasn't making headway with my weight. It felt like a trade off, either I lose weight, or be successful at work and school, but the weight thing felt to big to accomplish along with everything else. But I had an Aha moment tonight.. Tyrone made me realize I have been thinking about it wrong. I have been thinking about having to lose 150 pounds and that overwhelmed me. I knew I would fail, so I didn't try. But Ty pointed out I need to make small simple goals. I may not be able to lose 150 pounds in some undetermined amount of time, but I can lose three pounds in three weeks. It was how I have done everything in my life thus far, setting small goals and making incremental headway. It was like someone turned a light on in my head. So thats my focus for the next three weeks. I want to lose three pounds over the next three weeks, and I'll decide where to take it from there.
So that's the update. Promise to be back, I never blog during happy times, and its time to change that.
let me regale you of the reasons why I missed Glee last night
I actually went to Atlantic Station to see it on the big screen with a whole group of Gleeks
Which i was very excited about by the way, Well this event also coincided with my roommate Alexander's aka Lil Bit's Birthday
Or Slutmageddon, as I like to call it
I met Tino and his new boyfriend who is very hot by the way, Darian and Alexander at Atlantic Station as Glee began..
Alexander immediately began sobbing upon seeing me and telling me that he wished he were dead as a lead up to requesting he not be kicked out until he got back from Miami next week
Some client bought him a plane ticket to her birthday party in Miami so he left this morning for that and will be gone for a week, Miami with no money, but I digress
He was sobbing and crying for the entire 4 5 minutes that the show aired and screaming to the point that people had to get up and move to a different section because he was so loud and out of control..
He was already quite drunk by this time
Justin got there just as Sue Sylvester began her video debut, which distracted Alexander long enough for me to watch at least that..
Then we went to Swinging Richards.
Where Alexander got even drunker.
until we actually went in as a group and paid 30 dollars to get him a lap dance by a very reluctant stripper who begged me to accompany them.. I told him that 30 dollars was his baby sitting money and to take Alex to that back room and don't bring him back for at least twenty minutes
When he brought him back, the relief on his face was evident.
So Stripper brings him back,Josh shows up, goes into the back room for his own private lap dance, while he is in there, Alexander becomes even more beligerent, kicking the persons chair in front of him, dancing and stumbling around the club grabbing peoples drinks off the table once we had cut him off.He had that dead look on his face, which is when the bouncer came over and said this young man is going to need to leave or we are calling the police
He straightened up for a second and then had to go to the bathroom. Darian took him and somewhere in there he had another encounter with security who threw him out of swinging richards into the street,
I of course had to take him home.. though I was having a very good time..Got to the house where he began to piss immediately upon getting out of the vehicle and he slipped into a coma as soon as he laid down..
So that is the story of how I missed Glee. Thank you (takes a bow)
So I am going to DC for the CLEO Pre-Law School Seminar for prospective Law Students. God I hope I am not too old for this. I know 31 isn't ancient but its a lot older than most of these kids who will probably be there, my friend Tamika is coming with me so I won't be the only oldie but goodie in the audience. I'm nervous about it. I am taking Justin with me, it is gonna be kind of a romantic get away for us as well. Things would be really great if he just had some income. He still hasn't found a job, well actually he found a job and then quit which totally pissed me off and is still pissing me off.. I been paying alll the bills the last three months and thought I could take a f-ing break.. but then he quit because he ain't like the job, all he had to do was facebook and twitter all day, that's a damn dream job. But now he is producing this independant radio show that may go well but that ain't gonna bring no checks in today..
Anyway I am excited about my seminar and that I'm doing well in school and that I have money in the bank and that my roommates are paying their rent and I'm in love.. And I'm not walking.. lol Talk more later, got work to do..
So I love him... I really do.. He is the greatest guy and has awesome ambitions and takes care of me, he cooks and cleans and handles my accounts for my business while I'm at work. He is a GREAT guy... He doesn't cheat, doesn't surf the net while I'm at work.. trust me I check.. and loves me back.. He really does love me back.. and he is soooo cute and a ass that is out of this world.. The sex is da BOMB... He runs in celebrity circles... he has introduced me to a whole new way of living and being and people I would never have met... I love his mom and his brother and his best friend. He is a indelible part of my life... BUT.... HE IS A BITCH!!!
I mean an UBER BITCH!!! We CANNOT argue, or even simply disagree, if I point out something I don't like that he does or is doing it is ON! The horns come out and it is World War III up in that camp... I find myself not saying anything when I really am upset about something because I don't feel up to the battle.. I reall feel like I have met the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, but he is MEAN! And I am so not mean... I am not nice, but I really try to be kind and gentle, especially with him.. I like to smile and laugh and I LOVE when he laughs... it is so sincere and genuine, and he does laugh with me and smile at me and make me feel good and puts his arms around me and tells me he loves me, but sometimes.... I just want to bust his ass in the mouth... I feel like shorty, I pay all the bills, I work everyday.. You do handle my business for me and hold me down and bring in money from your projects, but basically I hold it down, give me some damn respect..
I'm not sure what to do... I love this man, I came out to my whole family, my grandmother, my mom, my sister, my kids from church, EVERYBODY.. because I love him and I don't want to hide it... But I also don't want to feel like I can't speak my mind in my own house... If I try to make a point , he cuts me off, he won't listen, hangs up the phone in my face, which is a NO NO... I don't want to lose him but he is hard...
Plus he doesn't want kids.. I know I am supposed to have kids.. I am mean't to be a father and if I make it to 50 years old and I have never had a child that I can call my own I will die an unhappy man.. and he has made it CLEAR he does NOT want kids...
But he makes me happy.. and he loves me... and I will always have issues with the person I end up with, I just feel like too often we make excuses to get out of relationships and don't give it our all.. He loves me and when we do fight he apologizes when he is wrong and we can talk rationally when its over.. He is still a bitch with, just not Uber.. I honestly never knew what it was like to have someone love me back before J.. And he does.. I have no question that he loves me... I am just not sure we are jiving on some of the fundamentals.. How do I make him see that we BOTH need to work on things as far as our personality goes.. I want this to work so bad, but I don't want to sit on my issues to avoid a fight.. I'm confused... but at least I'm not walking... lol
